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A weight on my mind by Colin Doeg Reproduced from in focus 58 (September 1996) There is no doubt about it. underwater photography can be damaging to your health. The stress levels are enormous. While other divers enjoy a rising crescendo of excitement and anticipation as their trip approaches, most underwater photographers sink into a manic depression and prepare themselves with an increasing sense of dread to face the 'sniper's alley' of airline travel. The problem is simple. Weight. Once upon a time most photographers were content with one camera and a flashgun, usually a Nikonos and an appropriate strobe plus a basic demand valve, contents gauge and depth gauge. But all that has changed as equipment has been upgraded and new features added to seduce us to replace our photographic and diving gear. Progress There
seems to be a basic rule underlying progress: Improved equipment
is inevitably heavier. In some cases this is unavoidable. In others,
I am sure heavier means added value so a higher price can be charged.
At the same time, of course, I do appreciate that for certain items
heavier also means better or necessary Grovelling On one flight I found myself grovelling on my hands and knees in front of the weighing machine, my case and dive bag open while I desperately shuffled items backwards and forwards to spread the load. The jumbo load of other passengers stepped over me, casting withering or pitying glances as they tripped lightheartedly towards the aircraft. The bill for excess baggage required an instant interview with a bank manager. And they hadn't even put the cabin luggage on the scales at that stage. In the end I was saved by a fellow photographer. His excess baggage weighed more than twice my total. After a time he just wilted. Rising unsteadily from his knees, he passed a weary hand over his brow and said: 'I've had enough of this. I give up. It's just not worth it. I'm going home.' Gob-smacked With that he gathered his luggage together and headed back the way he had come, leaving in his wake a gaggle of gob-smacked airline staff as he abandoned an £800 trip. Only
then did one kindly soul take pity on me. In a low voice she said:
'Pack your bags. I'll pass them through. Then you've just got to
hope they let you on the aircraft.' But there was one final obstacle - a gorilla-like security man guarding the entrance to the cabin. As other photographers approached him with their ingratiating smiles he deftly snatched their camera cases out of their hands. 'That's too heavy, it's going in the hold,' he growled every time. Swinging my camera bag - that was a strategic mistake in itself - on to the far shoulder I struggled towards the steps with a load that would have shocked the scales. My face was contorted into a desperate grimace of a smile. Gorilla The gorilla stepped neatly into the flow of passengers and grabbed yet another camera case. In the confusion I slipped through with a deftness that would have delighted my old rugby master and dived inside. In contrast, on a different occasion, as I rolled my pathetic spaniel-eyes at the check-in girl and mumbled about being slightly overweight, she said: 'Five kilos. What sort of ogre do you think I am. Have a nice holiday.' Oh what a vision of loveliness. If only she could guard every check-in counter. Gauntlet Yet
another time, having successfully run the gauntlet of the check-ins
and the gorillas, I was astonished when one of my friends was preparing
to swing his camera bag up into the overhead locker. He was built
like a Russian weight On other occasions, I have seen photographers do a hop-skip-and-dance as they successfully boarded the aircraft. As yet, no-one has fallen on their knees and kissed the carpet, but it'll come. Security Security checks have always been another high stress area. I never object to them. I want to reach the other end like I everyone else. But it is discouraging to get to the end of the X-ray machine and be greeted by the remark: 'Oh my God, another ruddy photographer.' That's when the ritual would begin. Open 30 cartons, take out the film canisters, open them to display the films. I Take the lens off each camera. Hold it up and work it so the security person can see through the glass elements. Open the camera and operate it so that it too can be seen to be genuine. Amazement Now I walk past in amazement as guards of all nationalities show no interest in bags, bum bags and garments crammed with cameras, flashguns, strobe arms and film in lead-lined bags. The only trick I haven't tried yet is to hang a few lenses down my trouser legs among my genitalia. Now,
as I begin a regime of heavy sedation prior to seeing my stress
councillor in the buildup to another trip, I have a plea. When equipment is upgraded - and it does get better all the time, despite my earlier cynicism - would manufacturers please, please, please make it lighter wherever possible. Approach Also, I wonder whether there is any way of approaching airlines in advance so that photographic equipment can be taken into the cabin rather than condemned to the hold and the vagaries of the luggage handlers. I have been able to do this on scheduled flights. I realise charter flights are a different proposition because it is necessary to keep weight to the minimum so that prices can be kept low. But oh how the stress levels would subside if I did not have to spend the 24 hours - night and day - before a trip frantically weighing and repacking my luggage, rehearsing my casual walk while my cabin luggage is dislocating one shoulder and distorting the spine. Aspiration Perhaps then I could look forward to a holiday just like normal people rather than dread every second of the buildup until I am safely on board the aircraft. Reproduced from in focus 58 (September 1996) |
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